As we finished our breakfast at our favorite greasy spoon, the waitress asked my five-year-old son, “Is Santa coming to your house?” He shook his head. She, a bit taken aback, attempted to reassure this uncertain child that Christmas was surely coming, “Well, have you been good this year?” He nodded. “Well then,” she consoled him, “I am sure that he will be coming to your house.”
She then asked, “Do you know where Santa lives?” “Heaven,” he replied. She then looked at us and knew that something was up. He clearly was not your average five-year-old.
Jen and I determined early on that we were going to be straightforward with our children about Santa Claus. I remember the day that I found out that “Santa isn’t real.” I am not quite sure what grade I was in, but I know that I was way too old to believe in Santa, but my parents were good at “pretending” I suppose. I remember one year my parents told me not to expect much that year because we were struggling financially. I told them, “There is no need to get me anything, I know you love me. I will just ask Santa!”
They then went into a long explanation about how they had to pay Santa and that it was often worth it because he bought in bulk (so he had mega buying power) and he could find hard-to-find items because he traveled all around the world. That was disappointing, but sounded reasonable enough to keep me believing for a couple more years. Although, I do not believe that this did any long-term psychological harm for me, I do recall that my atheist cousin felt betrayed by the fact that adults so freely “lied to children about Santa.” And check out this article on how teaching your kids about Santa can be a good dry run to teach them to be atheists (Yikes!).
As my bride and I had our own children, we decided that if we had room for Santa, that we had more room for Jesus. Here is how I talked with my son about it:
“Judah, this time of year many parents are pretending that Santa Claus comes and delivers presents in a flying sleigh. Some of them do not tell them that they are pretending and their children believe that Santa really comes to their house. But as your Dad, I wanted to tell you the truth about Santa.
Santa Claus lived a long time ago and was known by many as “Saint Nicolas.” Try saying that name with a German accent – Sant Nic Clus. Sounds a bit like Santa Claus, doesn’t it? Saint Nicholas was a man who loved and worshiped Jesus. In fact, he was so giving in celebration of Jesus’ birth that it inspired many others to be generous too and even pretend that they were him. He was an amazing man. Didn’t have a flying sleigh though.
He was so generous, that the Catholic Church voted that he should be known as a saint. So, I believe that Santa Claus is real and he lives in Heaven with Jesus and we should be generous like him, but never forget that Christmas is about Jesus. Now, not all parents will choose to tell their kids about this. If they were my children, I would tell them. But they are not, so it is not our place to tell them. If you tell them this secret, kids will probably cry, their parents will get upset, and you will get into some trouble because it is not your place to tell them. Now it is OK if we want to pretend about Santa, but we believe that when you pretend, it is important that people know that you are pretending. So if you see someone who believes Santa is coming to their house, just be happy for them and smile and say something like, ‘Great! That’s exciting.'”
It has now been many years since my son learned the truth about Santa and I am glad to say that we have never had an instance where he “ruined it” for anyone else. There is no reason for him to tell them that Santa was dead or not real, because we believe Jesus’ promise that those who believe in Him will live, even though they die (John 11:25). And I am so proud of my son that he was able to show self-control and realize that it was not his place to enlighten the other children. And I am so glad that I do not have to look ahead with apprehension wondering if he will feel as though he had somehow been deceived by his parents.
Most importantly, by not mystifying St. Nicholas, we have found that we can follow in the spirit of his generous worship of Jesus each Christmas Season. From the day that Jesus’ was born he has been relegated to the stable. In the first Christmas it was because there was no room in the inn, in recent years Santa has crowded Him out. Let’s make a little more room for Jesus in your home by this season shifting the focus from Santa to Jesus.
This is part one of a three part series on Santa:
and
What? No Santa? Why would you Rob your Children of the Magic of Christmas?!
We do “Santa” in our house. But, we have never claimed to be Santa. We would, and the boys still do, visit Santa at the mall for a picture for Mom!! The employees and Santa have enjoyed seeing the boys grow and love that a 21, 18 & 17 year old young men still do this for their mom. And it’s been the same Santa for years. Makes for a beautiful picture.
We never lied or pretended. We carry on the tradition of St. Nicholas. The first time the boys asked if we were Santa we told them no, but that we continue the gift of giving like St. Nicholas did so many years ago. That we have the privilege to give gifts to our family, friends and even strangers. Especially those who aren’t as fortunate as we are. Have we gone overboard sometimes? Sure. However, our children knew from an early age that it’s about Jesus and the gift that God gave all of us.
We begin each Christmas morning by opening the wrapped gift sitting on the shelf. The gift, baby Jesus, is unwrapped and placed in the manger. And then one of the boys reads Like 2: 1-21.
After breakfast we head to the fire station to drop off some goodies and then head to church for a community Christmas luncheon. We share tables with people who are looking for warmth, a hot meal and as little conversation.
I believe that it is possible to keep the focus on the reason for the season, Jesus. But also include the generous tradition of St. Nicholas.
And I also believe that what people do is a family choice. And I respect their choices.
Like you, we have also stressed to the boys that it is not their place to tell other children.
Your boys are generous and thoughtful. It’s a pleasure to be neighbors.
Thanks Karen! Love all your ideas and we’ve watched and looked up to you guys in many ways over the years! The kids want to take up making silly Christmas cards like yours since yours aren’t so little anymore. 😉