Our church has a wonderful tradition of reflection the Sunday before Thanksgiving. The entire hour and a half long service is dedicated to worship songs and popcorn praises. It serves as a culmination of all the good that happened that year.
I had always loved that service, but what if you find yourself in the place where you can’t find any good in that year to reflect on?
That year for me was 2015.
I literally stood in the lobby shaking, and my heavy feet would not move forward through the open doors. I started to hyperventilate. I could not walk in there. This year hadn’t been good. I didn’t feel thankful. For anything. After spending the year visiting doctor after doctor, my physical condition, and emotional condition of my heart, only continued to worsen.
A friend with three young children hanging on her, barely paused walking past me and asked how I was. That moment of compassion was all my tears needed to crack the composure I was trying to hold on to. But she could only look at me sympathetically as she passed. Again, I was in a crowd but alone with my heavy feet. Outside of the sanctuary, waiting for thankful feelings to somehow flood over me.
Eventually, I did make myself go inside. All the way to the second row from the back, but I made it in.
I sat stiffly in the back as dozens of people passed the microphone around. Soon my self-pitying tears became tears pushed over the edge by praises, answered prayers, healings, recoveries, new salvations and children’s testimonies. The year being “good” had more to do with than just my little life.
Thankfulness sometimes comes in the same way. Sometimes we have to choose to step into it, even when everything in us is fighting against it. Sometimes we have to move toward Him, having faith that His presence will bring joy, that with the Body is where we need to put ourselves, and Then the thankful feelings might flood over us.
Rarely does joy just happen, standing in the lobby alone.
Little did I know then that the following week I would meet a new doctor that unlocked some of my physical mysteries. And the following month my heart was set free from some serious unforgiveness and triggers to sadness. I had stood there in that lobby paralyzed when relief was just around the corner. The good news is any day we are not feeling thankful may just be the day before breakthrough. Some day has to be that day.
The following year on “Thanks-giving Sunday” I grabbed the microphone with my heart racing. Barely able to share without crying.
I shared my own testimony of that previous November, stalled in the lobby. And how some of my circumstances hadn’t changed, but how I had changed. God was healing me inside and out and my focus was finally able to turn outward. Sometimes when you wish you could offer “a sacrifice of praise”, you have bitterness, anger, and disappointment to offer up first. Not what I thought He wanted, but what needed to be cleared out of the way. That step began to help me see any good in life around me again.
How great it is to tangibly reflect on an entire year and see where God has brought you, from one Thanksgiving to the next. I believe He can redeem the low points in our lives as well. A few months after that testimony I found myself in awe that I could have been thankful for the sad season I had lived through. I was called on to pray for a circle of women who all had one thing in common – depression. Never would I have thought I could have felt thankful to identify with their pain and pray for them with the authority of one the Lord has healed. This group of strangers welcomed me because I understood them.
So, if you are finding yourself in the lobby of the Thanksgiving conversation, perhaps you need to step forward to be with others and soak in their thankfulness until you can feel your own. And perhaps you can ask God to unlock what is getting in the way of your ability to thank Him and see anything good. (Mine was anger and feeling ignored by Him in my pain.) To start, ask God to help you slow everything down inside and come to peace. Then wait for Him to speak, like a real conversation. Ask Him to fill your mind with His thoughts and for the Holy Spirit to search you, don’t search yourself. Wait and record your impressions.
Listening Prayer Exercise:
Lord, I want to experience thankfulness this month and all year. Would You show me what is getting in the way of me feeling thankful? (Pause and write down any impressions that come to mind.) I give those things to You. Is there a gift from You that I need in place of those things that were in the way? (Write any down.)
Is there anyone I need to forgive? (Write down any names.) In Your strength, I forgive them now. You can be in charge of what happens to them, but I want to live in peace and freedom, unattached from any anger. Set my heart free today.
Is there anything I am holding against You, Lord? (Pause.) Would You show me one particular blessing from this year that I can tell others about? (Write this down and thank the Lord for this blessing you had forgotten.)
Thank You, Lord. Where my heart was heavy, would You fill it with peace and help me to bless others this season who are hurting too?
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If would like someone to pray with you over the phone please email us and we would love to!
Email: drlove@intentionaltraditions.com ~Jen & Don Love
I believe sometimes you just have to give God your thoughts. He knows what your fears and hopes and prayers are even without expressing them yourself. Be quiet in His glory and just know His love will surround you and comfort you. We don’t always have to talk but just pray for help and comfort. Thank you for sharing.
What a freedom that we can do this! And He is always waiting and welcoming! Thanks for encouraging others with your words!
Thank you so much for sharing that prayer. It is one that I have bookmarked!
Awesome! I hope it is helpful at any time of the year!
“Rarely does joy just happen, standing in the lobby alone.” Oh how I needed this reminder today.
Love this prayer. <3
Thank you for sharing that testimony and prayer. I could too closely relate to your feelings of depression and halt in the doorway. I have been wondering how can I even go to the thanksgiving table this year let alone give thanks as the circle goes round. I have been pressuring myself to “heal” before the dawn of Thursday strikes. I have been condemning myself to just count my blessings (as they appear so abundant on the outside- I got married this year and moved from a wounding environment to a seemingly solid community). And “ironically”, I “just happened” to read Romans 8 this morning in devotions commanding there is NO condemnation. I felt so affirmed from what you wrote. So why can’t I just rejoice in gratitude? As I found myself relating more and more deeply as I read on, I thought, if some day has to be the breakthrough when is mine? Then your prayer was just the gentle rebuke to “get real” before God. Thank you for the reminder of unforgiveness and to surrender, that God’s gifts to us are far greater than we what we seek after, and that when we replace what hinders us with him, restoration comes. That prayer verbiage with a humbled heart posture is so life-giving. Thanks for leading me to the thanksgiving banquet this year. Though tears and healing of wounds still lingering, I can walk to the table with gratitude that God has indeed given me a great, divine gift. He has not neglected or overseen my pain.
Forgiveness really is a freeing exercise. When we forgive we release our selves to experience the joy of life. I pray that for 2019 all your health issues are resolved
Thank you! I have come a long way since 2015 and my health in every way has improved greatly! Praise God!
The year 2015 was very tough for our household. I totally understand this post completely and appreciate your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you so much! I have heard from many who can relate, unfortunately.
SO important. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for the encouragement.
this is so important love that you’re open to sharing your story
Such a beautiful testimony!! I know that I too have been in that moment before, I am so very glad that when we are willing the spirit takes our brokenness and transforms our pain into beauty. Only our Almighty God can do this and that is something that I am so VERY thankful for!!
Yes! I have learned a lot the last few years because of my struggles, and can be thankful for that.
Thank you!
A beautiful prayer – thank you for that! I needed to read this!
Thank you! Glad to hear it!
Jennifer, this is beautiful. I love how you shared that God didn’t change your circumstances either, but He changed you. I sense His blessing on the two of us in how we’ve both shared our stories at this time and how so very similar they are—and yet very different. Hugs to you sweet sister. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much! I enjoyed reading your story as well!
I know this exact feeling. Thank you for sharing so openly. God is truly revealing to me those places that need healing so I can see what He is truly doing for me…and tell of His glory #Salt&Light