“His half of the room is always messy!”
“I missed my lesson because you forgot!”
“I loved that new recipe; let’s have it again!”
Where does your family find time and space to address issues, express concerns, or discuss how things are “working” in your family?
One weekly tradition we have implemented is a family meeting on Sunday nights.
WHY? What were our objectives and what did we hope to gain as a family with these meetings?
A set-aside time for Intentional Family Meetings gives us opportunities to wisely work through many of the issues that come up throughout the course of the week. With a little bit of distance of time, we have found that they are not as emotionally raw and volatile as they would have been in the situation itself. Dealing with issues immediately is not always the most effective way. Especially if you have a very emotional child that might not listen to reason right then anyway. (Anyone have one of those!?)
They have benefited our family because we can hear our children out and they can express themselves in a disassociated way, outside of the situation.
It gives our children a chance to feel as though they’ve been heard so we can parent in a sensitive way, hearing how they interpret what we think is right.
It also gives them an opportunity to look to us for wisdom to manage household affairs. We model family living for them and we want an important component of that to be considering and honoring each other, not thinking of only their concerns as important.
What are some elements of our meeting?
- We let them take turns ringing a chime to commence and end the meeting.
- We have a $1 bin Notebook on the living room shelf to write down issues during the week that become our Agenda; to take notes during the meeting; and check back on progress in future weeks. Any one is free to write in it during the week and it will be read at the meeting.
- We introduce a Hymn to learn and sing together, imparting doctrine through the classic lyrics. This is especially important to us as our church does not sing many of the old classic hymns that we hid as our heart as children.
- We discuss what’s working or not working lately. We have an open discussion for suggestions in schedule, reward charts, chores, lessons, etc.
- They appreciate feeling like part of the family by hearing what upcoming plans are, when a babysitter will be there, if we will be traveling, etc.
- When needed, we bring up issues to forgive each other, express hurts, listen in prayer for healing together and pray about the next week.
A few Scripture verses to consider for this time:
“To answer before listening, that’s a folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13
“The first to bring a case seems right, until a second comes and calls it into question.” Proverbs 18:17
“Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” James 1:19
Honestly, when we first called our first meeting to order, we didn’t expect them to go over well. But they will not let a Sunday go by without it now! They are bringing out the bell and pulling out the Notebook. We do discuss the sacred, serious, and silly and I think they appreciate that they have a scheduled time to bring up concerns and suggestions, to feel like a real contributor to our family, and to be reassured they will be lovingly heard. The strengthened relationship also opens the door for the bigger questions of life too. It has become a unifying theme I hope will survive the teenage years. Have you tried this?
*In the next part of this series I will be interviewing and featuring how other families conduct their “family meetings.” Some are mostly business, some are mainly spiritual. If you would like to be featured or have an idea to share, please email me at jennilee.love@gmail.com to be considered.
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Wow! That’s great, Jenn! I wish I would have thought of this while my kids were young. I believe it would have diffused many misunderstandings we had that negatively affected our relationships with them.
Thanks Jan! That’s what I’m hoping to avoid by dealing and healing issues each week. It has turned out to be a sweet time.
That’s wonderful! Even though we had a tough time, we have a sweet relationship today and all has been forgiven. We serve a gracious God who gives us our heart’s desire!
I look forward to implementing this in our home. I’ll let you know how things turn out.
Hey Jennifer! I am stopping by from By HIs Grace Bloggers! I am also a boy mom…….of THREE boys (1, 3, and 10). With two little ones family meetings would be a struggle…..but this is an idea I will definitely tuck away because I know it wont be too long before it is needed!!!
Thanks for stopping by! Well maybe the 10 year old would like private meeting time with you? I hope it’s helpful in the future!
I absolutely love this idea! I have an almost 8-year-old daughter, and I think this would be a good idea as there are things she likes to talk about but we may not have the time at the moment and then we when have the time she forgets about it. Having a notebook on hand and then a set time to review what is written in the notebook is a great idea! I also love that during the meeting you can set the expectations for the week for not only the adults, but for the children, such as chores and school work. Thank you so much for sharing this! I cannot wait to share this with my husband and see what he thinks… Pretty sure he will love it though!
Hi Brittany! Yes, it’s made me proud seeing them writing down their thoughts in the book and giving them a chance to be heard, even if they want to express something (in a considerate way) that we could work on as a family. I think many households may not be open to that and the kids can’t talk things through.
And I was surprised that they want to go through every day of the next week and know what to expect. But for any kid with anxiety about the unknown, I think it could definitely help. I’d love to hear what works for your family! Thanks!
I love this idea. Wish we could have started that when our kids were younger. We do something similar we call it couch time, not to watch t.v. but to sit around and talk about life, prayers, praise reports even our worries so that we as a family can pray.
We just started doing our version of family meeting on a weekly basis not long ago. You gave me some additional tips to make it even better! Thanks!