I know for many parents there is an excitement about our children finally being old enough to hear the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection – a story many of our lives are centered around.
The Gospel is a central theme we want to talk to other adults about, hoping it will come up, looking for other’s interest or wanting to weave into conversation how it has changed our lives. But there is something different at play when we look into our three year old’s huge, innocent eyes and try to delicately explain – a Murder.
A murder that was supposed to happen.
There is a reasonable nervousness and uncertainty that follows. A balance between the urgency of relaying this vital story and not wanting to stir up nightmares and fear in their young minds that know little about gruesome death.
So every Easter season, amidst the tulips, candy and new dresses there is also the fear of how to handle weapons, scourging, human cruelty and why we all seem so thankful for it.
We shield them from images and search for appropriate books while at the same time know this story has to be told. What is too much?
The truth is, death is a part of life. But how we handle it can make all the difference in framing their perspective and how we can call this death, good. But how?
Printable version of this post & the prayer can be found here.
4 Practical Ways to talk about Death
1) Focus on Life. Christ endured the cross because of the joy that was set before Him. (Hebrews 12:2) In the midst of a lot of conversation about the cross, keep pointing them back to not only Jesus’ joy in obeying God’s plan but also our joy in receiving eternal and abundant life in God’s Kingdom that starts the moment they place their trust in Him! The offer of the Holy Spirit to dwell within us and never leave us is a powerful benefit of this death!
If they begin to fear their own death, or their family’s, or a pet’s, talk to them about living each day to know and follow God and to how lay down worries about tomorrow. It is a mature perspective to grasp, but if we begin to talk about it early, it may take root. The resurrection is a great balm to the sting of the crucifixion but we too are beings that may live forever, even after our death on earth. Let’s instill in them a long view of our lives in Him.
2) Don’t fear their questions, instead, guide them. Children need grownups to help them talk through their questions. If our attitude is dismissive, nervous or patronizing, they will not properly work through their questions to satisfying answers but may see their questions as problems or annoyances to those around them. Don’t we want our kids to come to us with everything? Often the answer will be, “I’m not sure if we can know that answer,” but that honesty about the mysteries of God is healthy too.
Give time to their questions and ask friends or a pastor for help if you are unsure yourself how to answer them. Kids can come up with some amazing and difficult questions! Show them how you go about searching for information or answers. Pray with them, asking the Holy Spirit to teach and guide them too. He’s a real Teacher!
3) Explain how it’s not just about them, but US. Yes, there is purpose in Christ’s death, but it could become a burden if the message is heavily placed on them with, “Jesus came to die just for YOU.” There is a greater story here than many gospels that are preached today – that it’s ALL about Jesus or ALL about You. We can give them a broader framework of how, although they are just one person, if they place their trust in Jesus, they are an important member of God’s family. And as God’s child, He cares for them and provides for them even more than the best Father and Mother in the world! There may come a time when our bodies may die, but like Jesus, it will not be the end! Jesus says that those who believe in Him, though they die, they will live (John 11:25).
4) Teach them how to process their sad or scary thoughts. Often when they lay down and reflect on the day, their thoughts may return to questions about death again. Reassure them they can always come to you, but you will empower them for life if you also teach them how to lay down their troubling thoughts. It is a very powerful transaction to take captive a troubling thought and offer it to the Lord. (2 Cor. 2:5) We don’t need to hold on to these thoughts, stewing and worrying, but release them to God and ask Him if He will speak answers to us or gift us with His fruit to fit the concern. What a great opportunity to ask with expectancy that God answer their prayers!
Sample Prayer to lay down fears with your children (or for parents too!) :
Father, thank You that we can talk to You any time. Thank You that You love and listen to my child any time day or night.
Would You help them to identify what they are feeling? (Pause.) We offer up this ________(concern/thoughts)_____ to You. Lord, would You take authority over these thoughts?
(Ask child while praying:) Can you picture bundling these thoughts and handing them over to Jesus?
(Children have great imaginations but we are not actually imagining this transaction but imaging what is happening in our hearts between them and Jesus.)
Jesus, what would You do with these thoughts or fears? (Pause.) Would You hold onto them tonight while my child sleeps? Would You comfort their heart right now and give them any understanding now about these concerns? (Pause.) Is there anything You want to give them to help them deal with this? (Pause.)
Thank You that You love them and that Your presence is always with them. Please bless them with peace and rest tonight. Amen.
(Ask them) Did you see your concerns any differently? Did you sense what Jesus would do with your thoughts/fears when you gave them to Him? Is there anything He wanted to trade your for your fears? If these thoughts return, trust Him again with your fears and ask for peace.
Seize the Opportunity
The abiding presence of the Holy Spirit is a mighty counselor to help our children internally process life. If your child does not yet have this abiding relationship with God, do not be afraid to pray with them like this. It may be a powerful introduction to the personal relationship He wants to have with them. Again, where a conversation about death may lead to life! Let’s not run from these opportunities in fear but ask God to use them and work through them.
Printable version of this post & the prayer can be found here.
Other articles with Listening Prayer exercises:
- A Prayer for When You Just Can’t Feel Thankful
- How to Lay Burdens Down in Prayer
- Why Easter is the Hardest Sunday of the Year for Me
My friend told me about an activity she did with her neice and nephew where they baked these biscuits that when they were done, you broke open to reveal that what you put inside was gone. The purpose is to tell the Easter story throughout the baking process. I thought that was a great idea for little kids to help understand the meaning of Easter.
Oh, I wanted to try that sometime! I think the one I saw had a marshmallow baked inside that disappeared.
My children are older now and I do remember trying to navigate the stories with dread. I enjoyed reading your article and the comment above is a great idea.
SUCH wise words, Jennifer! It is so easy to be dismissive and teach children though our attitude that God is not big enough to handle these questions. Being honest and direct while helping kids work through these thoughts is key!
This is a deep blog post, love how truthful and honest you are. Thank you for sharing it
Love this so much! Very helpful and practical ways to approach this rather difficult subject with children. You’ve done a great job of addressing the possible issues, with grace and tenderness. ❤️