It’s rare that a yard sale purchase could never be used, but become unforgettable.

It was a typical Saturday morning. We had mapped out our yard sale stops, passing by the ones that didn’t seem worth it.  But as we hopped out of the car and scanned the goods at our 10th sale, my eye immediately caught a special find. One I couldn’t believe was not snatched up by the yard sale early-birds.

I skipped across the yard to a beautiful handmade, walnut bassinet with a wind-up music box cleverly built into the handle. All of this made every other bassinet seem unthinkable to buy. I pointed out these things to my wood-working husband and made a pitch for its craftsmanship and great re-sale value. I carefully turned the knob to ensure that the music box still played and it filled the air with its cheerful lullaby. It did. Everything in my heart told me that I had to have this bassinet.

 

Even though our six-month-old baby was already in a larger crib and it would surely be some time until will could use it for baby #3, I knew I would convince my husband to buy this wonderful bassinet not just for baby #3, but for #4 and #5! I was so certain of this future family that it made total sense to buy a bassinet that we did not have immediate need. For, it would only be a matter of time before another little life would sway again to its wind-up lullaby.

It did not take much convincing my husband, the price was right, its craftsmanship was undeniable, and I am sure that he could sense how emotionally invested that I was in this purchase. So, he consented and bought this bassinet for a baby that was likely still years away.

Dreams Collecting Dust

When we got home, we set it up right away..…in storage, awaiting the day when our next child would enter into our lives. Little did I know it this would be its resting place for as long as we owned it. Despite all of our heart-felt preparations, Baby #3 would never come. As the years rolled by our baby’s bassinet remained untouched in the attic – never achieving the life it was created for – the fuller mothering life I was created for. In my eagerness to see it used, I even offered it twice to friends but both times someone gifted them a bassinet at the last minute and it was returned again to my lonely attic. Like a toy on the Island of Misfit Toys, I imagined the bassinet carried its own sadness to be passed over again and not cradle life as it was meant to. Not rocking, not comforting, not singing. Just waiting. We commiserated together.

 

My heart grew wild with disbelief that baby #3 never came and no medical condition was ever uncovered. It would never have crossed my mind at that yard sale years ago that I would never use this purchase. It was unfathomable. But eventually, after moving it around season after season for years, we decided it was time to sell it.

Altered Destiny

It seemed such a shame to place an item that held such hope on something as cold as Craigslist. But it wasn’t long before I had an eager buyer. She was willing to pay three times what I had paid for it (I knew it had been a good financial decision!) and a delivery fee if I would bring it to her house.

I drove across town, teary that I was actually letting this go. It was more than just a piece of furniture. It was really coming to grips with the dreams of my bigger family fading. I didn’t need this bassinet. I literally had no need for it. Yet I kept it in storage. Just in case.  I tried to console myself by thinking of the precious newborn that would after all this time finally bring this bed and its song back to life.

 

Instead, a woman, probably in her 50’s, answered the door.

 

A sleepy, grown son, interrupted from his video game, followed me to my van to help. He was not the excited, young, first-time mother I was expecting. A pack of cats darted out of the door like prisoners on release day when it opened. This was not the sentimental scene I had set myself up for.

“Oh, my cats are going to love this bed and I’m going to set up my doll collection in it in my doll room!” she squealed.

My heart sank and my grip tightened on that smooth walnut rail. That was not what this was made for! This was an injustice to its craft! I stood there stunned. She was willing to pay hundreds of dollars to make this crib a doll display! It was all I could do not to burst into tears and squeal the wheels of my minivan out of there.

What did I need?

But it was in that moment that I realized my hope could not be placed in this crib and what it symbolized. The Lord could do His plan or His miracle whether I held onto all the “necessary” items or not. And maybe someone else could see the value in this bassinet as I had too.  I needed to let it go and trust Him. My grip on this bassinet and my plans were unhealthy.

Somehow in letting go I felt renewed in the truth that the Lord knew my desires and would take care of me. In many ways, by holding onto my beloved baby furniture, toys and clothing I was making demands on what He must do – “Because I have all this stuff, Lord! You have to!”

Perhaps this is how this woman felt with her expensive doll collection. Perhaps she was holding onto the ghost of an empty expectation too. I felt sorry I had judged her willingness to spend money on something unneeded. The sentiment felt strangely familiar. 

Disappointment can come in so many forms. For some reading this, there may be hurt that I feel this way when I have two great kids. But I’ve decided not to hide hurt that many others share, almost secretly. Our disappointment may vary to different degrees but wouldn’t it be more helpful for us to share and empathize in those feelings instead of hiding them, embarrassed that someone else might be feeling them more? Our pain is still real. And our ability to sympathize may be powerful.

 

Letting Go

So, I kept my word to sell it to her and walked away. It was a slow process, but what began that day was a deep healing as I turned again to God as the holder my dreams. He has been re-forming and re-directing my desires for motherhood. Sometimes it has been found through other children that I teach or in college girls that I mentor. My mothering heart is not going to waste. The ways that I enjoy loving and teaching and shepherding are not dwindling. They are not being used as I expected, but starting to thrive again. 

The Lord has been showing me how my desires are perfectly being used. If I grip too tightly to my demands, then I cannot see other opportunities and blessings before me. I stifle His creativity with my gifts. Now more, I trust that He knew what I needed. 

And it couldn’t be found at a yard sale.

 

 

Do you know someone else who could use this encouragement today for what they are facing? Please share it with them!

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